hen the concept of compatibility comes into picture. Maybe the person whom we see in front of us, may be least compatible than the person who is miles away. We might talk to each other and portray that we love each other, but practically we do not end up into any relationship. Also in compatibility, the key is to think about the long term successful relationship, not a short journey. We need to understand each other and must always remember that no body is perfect. what is love - real, lasting love? is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another s goodness.is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another s goodness.word goodness may surprise you. After all, most love stories don t feature a couple enraptured with each other s ethics. ( I m captivated by your values! he told her passionately. And I ve never met a man with such morals! she cooed.) But in her study of real-life successful marriages ( laquo ; The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts ), Judith Wallerstein reports that the value these couples placed on the partner s moral qualities was an unexpected finding. raquo ;, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.
IS A CHOICE
If love comes from appreciating goodness, it needn t just happen - you can make it happen. Love is active. You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person (and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you ll love easily., There's a huge distance from here to the far more profound, personal love developed over the years, especially in marriage. But seeing goodness is the beginning.focusing on the good, you can love almost anyone.
ACTIONS AFFECT FEELINGS
Now that you re feeling so warmly toward the entire human race, how can you deepen your love for someone? For example, if you want to become more compassionate, thinking compassionate thoughts may be a start, but giving charity will get you there. Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving - and that means giving.most people believe love leads to giving, the truth is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love.is giving? When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday - a triple-decker toolbox! Raquo; that s not giving. Neither is a father s forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso.giving, as Erich Fromm points out, is other-oriented, and requires four elements. The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient s life and growth. The second is responsibility, responding to his or her expressed and unexpressed needs (particularly, in an adult relationship, emotional needs). The third is respect, the ability to see a person as he [or she] is, to be aware of his [or her] unique individuality, and, consequently, wanting that person to grow and unfold as he [or she] is. These three components all depend upon the fourth, knowledge. You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.
OPENING YOURSELF TO OTHERS
The effect of genuine, other-oriented giving is profound. It allows you into another person s world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness. At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.more you give, the more you love.is why your parents (who ve given you more than you ll ever know) undoubtedly love you more than you love them, and you, in turn, will love your own children more than they ll love you.deep, intimate love emanates from knowledge and giving, it comes not overnight but over time -which nearly always means after marriage. The intensity many couples feel before marrying is usually great affection boosted by commonality, chemistry, and anticipation. These may be the seeds of love, but they have yet to sprout. On the wedding day, emotions run high, but true love should be at its lowest, because it will hopefully always be growing, as husband and wife give more and more to each other .. Jill Murray (author of But I Love Him:Protecting Your Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships ) writes that if someone mistreats you while professing to love you, remember: Love is a behavior. A relationship thrives when partners are committed to behaving lovingly through continual, unconditional giving - not only saying, I love you, but showing it.together, share your joy and sorrow, understand each other, provide space to each other, but always be there fo...
