wife may help by partaking in a part-time job.
Japan has a very different dating culture than that of the West. We can best describe it as courting with initial ambiguity. Things also move much more slowly than in the west.the perspective of a man.
Initial dating, or the lead up to dating, always begins in a group. You go out with mutual friends, or a group of your friends and a group of her friends together. You will probably only bring friends of the same sex. Being in a group diffuses the pressure and allows each party to take stock of the company the other keeps. In the group, you focus almost solely on the one you are interested in. If you can, you may break off from the group as to only talk with each other. This is how you show interest.
After several outings like this, say five or six, you may ask to do something just the two of you. A movie, grabbing coffee or going to the park. Typical date type things, but generally in public. This allows each of you to gauge how you feel about being alone with the other. After spending time together outside of the group for a while, also probably five or six times, one person will confess their love for the other. This is called «kokuhaku,» and is in most cases done by the man. If the other returns those feelings, then they become boyfriend and girlfriend. The relationship then proceeds as relationships between boyfriends and girlfriends do.
At the point of kokuhaku is where we consider two people to begin dating. Everything before that is considered getting to know each other in a friendly manner. In the West we would argue that dating is simply getting to know someone better with romantic intent to see if you would like a relationship with them, so that the time spent outside of the group would be considered dates. From my understanding the Japanese do not see it that way.
Also to be noted is that no physical intimacy occurs until after becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. We don t just mean sex, but kissing and I think even hand holding. All of that comes after the relationship. Attempting a kiss can make a Japanese person think you are only interested in sex or a physical relationship and not a serious or romantic relationship.
The use of kokuhaku is also a bit of a culture shock for Westerners. Love is a very powerful word and concept in English. Telling someone «I love you» in such a manner as kokuhaku is consequently very serious. In Western dating one would only tell someone «I love you» after being boyfriend and girlfriend for a good amount of time. One says those words only with someone they feel they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Westerners try not to say those words until they are sure of that feeling. Most Westerners prefer romantic actions over confessions of love. With an action you don t need to think, simply to do. One will feel what they feel and it clarifies any concerns or confusions. Most commonly we use a kiss. Kissing is a very clear sign that someone likes and wants to date you.
Because of the kokuhaku culture expressing interest in someone can also be tricky for a Westerner. The Japanese language does not contain gradations of the word like. All of the general words used to tell someone you have feelings for them in Japanese (?? suki, ??? daisuki, ???? ai shitteru) are equivalent to telling someone you love them. Each one is just a stronger way of saying that you love them. So far as I know there is no Japanese equivalent for «like» in the way it is used in English. This can be confusing as ?? which is generally translated into English as «like» isn t used in the same manner when applied to people in Japanese. If a Westerner tells a Japanese person in English «I like you» or in Japanese «???? »It will be interpreted as« I love you. »Most likely they will think you are giving a kokuhaku and asking them to become your significant other. The Westerner in this case most likely only wants to go on a few dates and learn if they would be interested in becoming boyfriend and girlfriend if things work out [«How to date in japan» August 7, 2011. Blog at WordPress. ]
stereotypes or prejudices held
Nonverbal communication
In Japan, silence is just as important as speaking. It is a designated moment to understand what has just been communicated. It is a moment to think and an opportunity to respond in a well thought out manner. In the West, silence is considered as an awkward moment and we try to mask this uncomfortable feeling with words. It is best not to try to break the silence as you might appear insincere. It would be better to relax and appear patient with your Japanese counterpart. You should be considering the value of what h...
